Satanic Self-Care: Holiday Edition
Snaketivity - 2014 - The Satanic Temple Detroit
Greetings! It’s Shiva here for your very first edition of Satanic Self-Care. What better way to start the series than by discussing ways to survive and thrive during the holiday season?
For many of us the holidays can be a painful time. Old wounds are re-opened as we’re often pressured to spend time with people who don’t respect us and confront uncomfortable truths about family, religion, and tradition. I became a Satanist in 2014 after having survived decades of abusive religious programming. That fall I joined The Satanic Temple Detroit and finally felt like I’d found a group of like-minded folks. Needless to say, my family was not encouraged by the infamy our group courted via the construction of the Snaketivity monument - a piece highlighting religious plurality which we displayed in Michigan’s state capitol that December. It was an exciting, painful, and eye-opening few months.
Since those early days I’ve had a lot of ups and downs, cut out family and friends from my life, and have ultimately grown to cultivate my own sacred relationships based on mutual love, acceptance, and respect. Holidays don’t hold the same destructive power they once did because of radical acts of self-care and preservation. Here are some pieces of wisdom to help you navigate the next few months
5 Satanic Power Moves to Help You Through The Holidays
1. Know Thyself - This sounds incredibly simple, but after years of cultural and religious programming can be extremely difficult to figure out. What are your values? What sparks joy? Do you want to attend holiday functions? Are you willing to get in to an argument with your Trump-supporting uncle? Eat dry turkey? Are you in the state of mind to handle family prying?
As a recovering people-pleaser, this was something that was really challenging for me (was? I should say is). Once I started to understand my own desire, to accept my power and make decisions based on my needs, I saw a radical transformation in my life for the better
"No is a necessary magic. No draws a circle around you with chalk and says 'I have given enough.'" ~McKayla Robbin
2. “No” Is A Necessary Magic - Don’t feel obligated to attend functions or participate in traditions that make you feel anxious, devalued, or uncomfortable. Say ‘No’ a lot. In fact, say it twice as much as you feel comfortable. Say ‘no’ to attending a party. Say ‘no’ to going to a church service. Say ‘no’ to talking about Satanism or your personal life if it makes you feel uncomfortable. It shows strength. It’s a great habit to start and one you’ll improve at the more you do it.
Feelings of guilt can definitely accompany this, but know that establishing boundaries doesn’t make you bad, weak, lazy, or disrespectful. It shows strength. It also has the added magical property of letting you know who is an asshole…
3. Let Them Go - Sure, setting boundaries may make some people upset, but folks that become upset at you for communicating your needs and honoring your own well-being, that is their problem and you are probably better off taking a break.
Becoming a Satanist is an excellent way to separate your thoughtful, understanding, and compassionate acquaintances from those that are abusive and intolerant. When I first became a Satanist it took a while for a number of folks I held dear to understand and accept my decision, but over time it sparked larger transformations in our relationships that evolved them for the better. On the other hand, there have been family members I thought I’d never cut off that went bananas when I became a Satanist. I created space with them initially on those grounds only to find there were mountains of historical abuse that I’d experienced that I’d ignored over the decades. It was an incredibly painful yet liberating realization. Cutting ties with them was one of the most freeing things I’ve done in my life.
4. You Don’t Have To Fight - If folks give you a hard time for asserting boundaries and renegotiating relationships, it’s OK to back away. Similarly, you don’t have to feel a need to defend positions, argue, or explain yourself to every bigoted acquaintance at the dinner table. Contrary to popular belief, very few minds are changed via shouting matches over pie and coffee. Engage friends and family if you have the energy, but don’t feel obligated.
If you are entering a contentious situation, buddy up at the event with a like-minded friend or family member to back you up. You can also prepare by having a friend you can text if things get difficult who can then call you with an "emergency" to help you exit the situation
5. You’re Not Alone - If you’re feeling overwhelmed during the holiday season, try to make time to hang out with other like-minded friends, give yourself ample time to recharge, and spend time doing activities that make you happy. If you know you’re entering volatile territory, see if you can check in and vent to to someone close. Partake in activities that make you feel valuable and support your self-esteem. If you’re feeling frustrated, sad, or angry, create a cleansing ritual ritual around the holidays to help work through those feelings and affirm yourself. Create new traditions with your Satanic family or others who love and respect you. Let the holidays be sacred periods of growth and self-discovery that empower you on your journey.
If you’re having a rough time this holiday season and need professional support, please also consider these resources (special thanks to Kathleen Koski for the resources below, for providing a second set of eyes on the article, and sharing additions based on her experience as a crisis worker):
Crisis Text Line - 24/7 text line where every texter is connected with a Crisis Counselor, a real-life human being trained to bring texters from a hot moment to a cool calm through active listening and collaborative problem solving
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255). The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.Vets can press "1" to be connected to VA specialists for resources
Trans Lifeline’s Hotline - Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers
The Trevor Project - A free, confidential service that provides live help to LGBTQ youth 24/7 via hotline, chat and text service
How do you handle the holidays as a Satanist? Any tips you’ve learned? Share below in the comments
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