Familiar Farewell: A Pet Memorial Ceremony
For many Satanists, our familiars are family. They share in our joy, comfort us without words, and are companions on our journey. Losing a familiar, like losing any other family member, can be a devastating blow. When I first started sharing my rituals, a number of people asked if I had any recommendations for pet funerals or memorials. While you can adapt any of the existing mourning rituals to focus on the loss of a pet, I decided to create a special ceremony to memorialize our departed familiars. You can perform this ritual alone or with others who loved your familiar.
This ritual is an excerpt from my book, The Devil’s Death: Your Satanic Companion for Grief and Dying
TOOLS:
Your familiar’s toys and cherished objects
Book of Death and Discovery
Photos of your familiar
Familiar Farewell incense or candles
A music player and playlist
SACRED SPACE: Your Altar in Memoriam
PREPARATION: Create a playlist that will facilitate your grieving process and place your candles, incense, and Book of Death and Discovery at the space
you plan to create your altar.
RITUAL: As you begin the ritual, gather next to your soon-to-be altar. Say “I love and honor (insert your pet’s name) and today you are with me once again.”
Start your playlist.
Visit your familiar’s favorite places—this could be spaces within your home, places around your neighborhood, or favorite spots that are further away. As you revisit these places, fill your mind with memories of your familiar. Imagine them as they were and the good times you shared together. Allow emotions to rise and give yourself space to express them. As you are on this journey, collect items that remind you of them. This could be their trinkets or toys, favorite treats, their cherished objects, or items in nature that hold their memory. Let this process take as long as you need.
When you have finished your journey, bring the items you collected to your Altar in Memoriam and light your Familiar Farewell candles/incense. Say, “I love and honor (insert your pet’s name), and today I build a monument to your memory.”
Arrange your photos, trinkets, and the cherished objects you collected on your altar. Once you have finished arranging your altar, record memories of your departed companion in your Book of Death and Discovery, including those that rose on your journey today. Once you are finished, observe your altar once more, experiencing all the memories and emotions that rise within you.
When you are ready, say,
“I love and honor (insert your pet’s name), and you are with me always.”
Extinguish your incense/candle.
……….
Want to support the work? Check out my shop to pick up The Devil’s Death and handmade ritual tools. You can also join my Patreon to get additional ritual content and connect with the Satanic ritual community
Death, Grief, and Tony Soprano
I didn’t expect that at 3am this morning I’d be on the floor howl-crying after watching the series finale of The Sopranos, but grief’s like that sometimes.
It’s been almost a year since my dad died and for the most part I’ve found a sort of peace with it. I wrote extensively about the immediate aftermath of his death in my book The Devil’s Death: Your Satanic Companion for Grief and Dying - our estrangement, the history of abuse, and how dealing with the death of an abuser can trigger an incredibly complicated grieving process.
The physical numbness, fear, and anger have mostly dissipated since then. I’m able to think about him without anxiety. And, the guilt and sadness show up less.
The last time I cried about him was during my book release for The Devil’s Death at The Puscifer store in Jerome when I did a reading from chapter on grief - Anguish as Alchemy. I wrote it immediately in the wake of his death.
But, last night, grief hit me in unrelenting waves. It was the seven-year anniversary of The Unveiling of Baphomet in 2015 which I helped orchestrate. The event was a catalyst for our estrangement. Aside from a few fucked up text messages and voicemail harassment from him, we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other since then. The last time he texted me it was my birthday last year - he asked for money and when I refused, called me crazy.
He was a self-destructive person, buried by addiction, anger, greed, entitlement and ignorance. He was raised in the Catholic church, an altar boy of course. By the time I was born he stopped going to church, but he’d still pop by the Catholic store every so often to get prayer candles. On those trips, he’d lie to the sales person and say that he was buying them for a church so he could get a discount.
He exhibited a sort of machismo that was a cheap mask for the insecurity and fear that was rooted deep inside him. He lied, cheated, and treated women terribly. He rarely took responsibility. He never apologized. He was a scared and angry little boy in a man’s body that wanted everything and gave nothing.
I inherited my love for music, movies, glamour from him, as well as many traits too private to mention.
I started watching the Sopranos this summer after a recommendation from a friend. It wasn’t a show that I thought would appeal to me, but once I started watching it, it felt familiar. The men felt like my dad and members of his family. Their looks, attitudes, pride, ethics, violence, and way of moving through the world were so similar that in some strange way it felt like watching the show was re-connecting me to them. It brought back memories I thought I’d forgotten. In a small, strange, way, it helped me understand them.
When the credits rolled for the finale, that connection was severed. Something snapped in me. An emotional storm hit as the tears flowed and I was on the floor. I cried for myself, my dad, my grandparents, all of that family that I’ve disconnected from and the ancestral trauma they carried. I felt free. I felt like I started to forgive them.
Although I’m a private person, I share this story and will continue to share my experiences to illustrate the varied and unpredictable nature of grief. I hope that as you work through your grief journeys you are able to open up to the strange, often mystical and mind-expanding experience it brings. I hope you give yourself the compassion, patience, understanding, and love you deserve.
…
You can learn more about grief in Shiva’s book The Devil’s Death: Your Satanic Companion for Grief and Dying
Devotion - A Ritual For Self-Love
Sigil for the Devotion ritual created by Alexander Corey
Devotion is the first ritual in my book, The Devil’s Tome: A Book of Modern Ritual. I began the book with a ritual focusing on self-love because, truly, that’s where my Satanic journey began. Because of my fundamentalist Christian upbringing and abusive fathers, I was conditioned throughout my childhood to hate myself, deny my needs, and to see myself as flawed and ugly. Once I removed myself from that environment, I had decades of that programming to purge. I still have the voices of my abusers echo in my head from time to time, and I still deal with body-image and self-esteem issues. My practice has helped me be able to understand where those thoughts are coming from, so that I may heal and work to move beyond them. When you have had those sort of experiences, it takes a very long time to be able to start chipping away at the painful ideas about yourself that you internalize. I created this ritual as a way to radically confront those ideas and start to do the work to heal from them.
Notes
This can be an emotionally intense and draining ritual to perform. Put aside enough time so that you can emotionally prepare and recover after the ritual. You may also want to have a trusted friend or therapist to check in with after you perform the ritual*
All of the items needed for this ritual are in my Devotion Ritual Kit. Many of the individual items as well as Devotion apparel are also available in the shop
Dove’s blood’s ink isn’t made of actual dove’s blood! It’s an ink traditionally used when working on rituals that are focused on love, desire, and intention setting. If you can’t find that ink, feel free to use any other sort of ink/writing implement
Substitute the ritual tools as you need so that it is accessible to you
Tools:
Lighter/matches
Rose quartz
Tourmaline/Obsidian
Rose petals
Devotion scrub
Tome
Lipstick
Sacred space:
A bath/shower
A resting place
Preparation: Create your sacred space by creating an altar with your Devotion candle, your tourmaline/obsidian crystal, and the lipstick. Create a separate space outside of your bathing area that feels lush, beautiful, and comfortable. Create a large circle with rose petals, rose quartz, Devotion ritual oil, your tome, dove's blood and pen, and a pillow in the middle.
Ritual: Light the candle and stand by the altar. Disrobe. Close your eyes and breathe deeply and slowly. Take seven breaths. With each breath, allow yourself to relax more and feel more at home in your body. Feel your breath moving through your body, nourishing it.
Bring to the surface any negative feelings you have about yourself - any perceived flaws, mistakes, and anything that makes you feel unworthy or unlovable. Think of anything negative other people have projected onto you. Sit with those feelings. Allow yourself to sink into any emotions you have been repressing. As you experience these negative feelings and flaws, write them on your body with lipstick. It can be a word, a sentence, or symbol - anything that represents those hurtful things that have been a barrier to feeling self-love or receiving love from others.
Once you are finished and are ready to cleanse yourself of these feelings, step into the shower. Let the warm water comfort you as you use your Devotion scrub bar to symbolically remove each element of blockage.
Repeat, “It is gone, it is done,” as you remove each word or symbol. Move deep and slow, allowing yourself to feel a weight lift after each one is gone.
Once all of the lipstick is removed, step out of the shower and dry yourself off, allowing yourself to feel renewed.
Step within your rose petal circle. Anoint yourself with the Devotion oil. As you rub the oil over your body, say an affirmation about yourself out loud - this could be a physical characteristic, personality trait, ability or talent. Absorb these affirmations.
Sit in the circle and rest.
Open up your tome. Explore your memory. Use the dove’s blood ink to write down your accomplishments and happy memories from the time you were a child until now. Once you are finished, blow out your candles and incense. Use the rose petals, rose quartz, and incense to create an altar. You can come back to this place whenever you need a boost of self-love. Continue to write in your tome as time passes and reflect on it regularly. Wear your Devotion pin as a reminder of your commitment to yourself Repeat the ritual as needed.
……….
* If you’re having a rough time and need professional support, please consider these resources:
Crisis Text Line - 24/7 text line where every texter is connected with a Crisis Counselor, a real-life human being trained to bring texters from a hot moment to a cool calm through active listening and collaborative problem solving
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255). The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.Vets can press "1" to be connected to VA specialists for resources
Trans Lifeline’s Hotline - Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers
The Trevor Project - A free, confidential service that provides live help to LGBTQ youth 24/7 via hotline, chat and text serviceWant to support the work? Check out my shop to pick up The Devil’s Tome and handmade ritual tools. You can also join my Patreon to get additional ritual content and connect with the Satanic ritual community
Want to Support the content?
If you’re interested in supporting my writing and creative content, you can purchase an item in my shop or join my Patreon
Memento Mori - A Ritual For Death + Remembrance For Satanists
As COVID continues its rampage, death and loss has become even more present reality in our lives. As non-theistic Satanists, I think we’re uniquely positioned to acknowledge and confront the topic of death. Many of us have even been captivated it - we understand the frailty of our time on earth and commit to live full lives. We see death as an inevitable and ever present aspect of life and don’t have illusions of an afterlife to comfort us. So what can we do to help us cope with the passing of loved ones?
I’m writing a book to explore death within the context of Satanism - The Devil’s Death: Your Satanic Companion to Grief And Dying. You can learn more about it + grab a limited edition copy of the book here.
Memento Mori is our Devil’s Deck card for October
Satanic Insight: Take time to reflect on those who have passed on. Who do you miss? Are there people you are relieved are gone? What lessons have they taught you? What gifts did they bestow? How can they serve as an inspiration for your journey? If you’ve avoided grieving or responding to their loss, give yourself permission now. Think of ways to honor the dearly departed. Figure out how to leave those who were harmful in the past.
Recommended Ritual:
Memento Mori: A Fall Remembrance Ritual
Ritual is known to be a powerful healer that can help us process grief. One of the most frequent questions I’ve been asked in the last year is if I have any ritual resources to help process death and loss. I created this simple ritual last year as part of my Satanic ritual book, The Devil’s Tome. I share this ritual with you now in hopes that it can help serve you and your community. Please share widely. You can find more rituals for death and grief in my new book The Devil’s Death: Your Satanic Companion to Grief And Dying. You can learn more about it + grab a limited edition copy of the book here.
Memento Mori:
A Ritual For Death and Remembrance
Tools:
Relics from loved ones passed
Flowers, fruits, and/or gourds
Photos of people you want to honor that have died
A Candle (you can grab my Memento Mori ones here)
Tome
Sacred Space: An altar
Preparation: Gather relics and photos of those you want to honor that have passed. Find candles, flowers, food, and other elements that remind you of the departed.
Ritual: At midnight, begin to build a sacred space to honor loved ones that have passed. Place photos and relics of those loved ones on an altar. Decorate the area with flowers, candles, and foods that remind you of them.
Once the altar is completed, light the candles and/or incense and contemplate your relationship with the departed. Write down beloved memories of those who have passed inside your tome.
If you can, keep the candles burning.
The next day, spend time visiting places and/or engaging in activities that remind you of the departed.
Before the day ends, spend time volunteering or commit and act of kindness in honor of your loved ones who have passed.
For seven days, visit the altar and record more memories of the departed in your tome.
……….
Want to support the work? Check out my shop to pick up The Devil’s Tome and handmade ritual tools. You can also join my Patreon to get additional ritual content and connect with the Satanic ritual community
Memento Mori - A Ritual For Death and Remembrance
As COVID continues its rampage, death and loss has become even more present reality in our lives. As non-theistic Satanists, I think we’re uniquely positioned to acknowledge and confront the topic of death. Many of us have even been captivated it - we understand the frailty of our time on earth and commit to live full lives. We see death as an inevitable and ever present aspect of life and don’t have illusions of an afterlife to comfort us. So what can we do to help us cope with the passing of loved ones?
Ritual is known to be a powerful healer that can help us process grief. One of the most frequent questions I’ve been asked in the last year is if I have any ritual resources to help process death and loss. I created this simple ritual last year as part of my Satanic ritual book, The Devil’s Tome. I share this ritual with you now in hopes that it can help serve you and your community. Please share widely. I’ll be working on many more resources around death and grief in 2021.
Memento Mori:
A Ritual For Death and Remembrance
Tools:
Relics from loved ones passed
Flowers, fruits, and/or gourds
Photos of people you want to honor that have died
Candles (you can grab my Memento Mori candles here)
Tome
Sacred Space: An altar
Preparation: Gather relics and photos of those you want to honor that have passed. Find candles, flowers, food, and other elements that remind you of the departed.
Ritual: At midnight, begin to build a sacred space to honor loved ones that have passed. Place photos and relics of those loved ones on an altar. Decorate the area with flowers, candles, and foods that remind you of them.
Once the altar is completed, light the candles and/or incense and contemplate your relationship with the departed. Write down beloved memories of those who have passed inside your tome.
If you can, keep the candles burning.
The next day, spend time visiting places and/or engaging in activities that remind you of the departed.
Before the day ends, spend time volunteering or commit and act of kindness in honor of your loved ones who have passed.
For seven days, visit the altar and record more memories of the departed in your tome.
……….
Want to support the work? Check out my shop to pick up The Devil’s Tome and handmade ritual tools. You can also join my Patreon to get additional ritual content and connect with the Satanic ritual community
How to Unbaptize Yourself
Unbaptism 2019 at TST Headquarters. Photo by Stephen Pompeo // June of 87
Unbaptisms are one of the core rituals performed by Satanists. Although not obligatory, many adherents find the act of formally separating from their former, often traumatic, religious life a freeing act of defiance and empowerment. In 2019, I created an Unbaptism ritual that I performed at The Satanic Temple Headquarters in Salem, Massachusetts. That ritual had an incredibly strong effect on participants. I witnessed a level of catharsis I had never before seen during a group ritual and felt incredibly moved myself as the officiant of these Unbaptisms. The experience of conducting the Unbaptisms was so powerful that I documented the event in my book, The Devil’s Tome: A Book of Modern Satanic Ritual, and created a solo Unbaptism ritual for the book that solitary practitioners could perform. One of the many things I enjoy about being a Satanist is that you don’t have to rely on someone else to lead you through the ritual process - you can do something like perform an Unbaptism on yourself without the need for a higher authority.
As COVID continues to ravage the world and prevent us from gathering together, it’s incredibly important for us to be able to engage in solo ritual. As we know, non-theistic ritual brings a wide array of benefits to the practitioner. I’ve found it an incredibly important tool for dealing with uncertainty, anxiety, and my own PTSD during the last few months.
I’m sharing my solo Unbaptism ritual with the hope that you will find it a useful tool in your journey. Many of us have endured religious abuse in our life - the memories and harm can resurface particularly violently when we are dealing with the circumstances COVID has brought upon us. I give this ritual to you in the hope that it can help you heal and enrich your religious life.
This particular version of the ritual is stripped down quite a bit so that it can be accessible to the masses while still holding on to its power. Feel free to modify further if you need. This is a tool for you to help reprogram your brain - trust your intuition and power. It will work as intended as long as you are committed and mold it to fit your needs.
If you’d like any ritual tools to assist in the process, I carry an Unbaptism Kit and other Satanic ritual tools in my shop. If you’d like more rituals, check out my book The Devil’s Tome: A Book of Modern Satanic Ritual.
The Unbaptism Ritual
Tools:
Fire pit
Votive candle
Box
Tokens from your past that you want to separate from
Pen and paper
Sacred Space: A secluded outdoor space where you have the opportunity to make a sizable fire and dispose of the items in the ground.
Preparation: Spend the weeks leading up to the Unbaptism collecting relics from your past - objects that remind you of your former religious life and which have held power over you or remind you of trauma that you’ve endured. You can also begin to write down experiences, thoughts, or people you attach to that former life on paper.
Ritual: Once you have collected all of your relics, put them in a box and bury them in the dirt. Place a small votive candle on top. On each day preceding the Unbaptism, go to that spot and light the candle. Meditate on what you are freeing yourself from and what you’re letting go. Wait until the candle has completely burned down to begin the Unbaptism ritual.
On the day of the Unbaptism, dig up your box and place it near the area that you will have the fire. Create a large fire.
Say, “This fire represents my infernal will, destroying all that does not serve me.”
Feel the heat of the fire on your skin as you walk around the fire saying,
“I reject religious bondage!
I abandon victimhood!
I accept my power!
I pledge allegiance to myself!
I claim my perfection!
This fire represents my infernal will, destroying all that does not serve me!
Tonight I free myself!
Tonight I destroy all gods placed above me!”
Take your box and remove each article one by one. Throw each article into the fire, proclaiming, “Non Serviam!”
Once the final item is thrown in the fire, say “It is done.”
You may collect the ashes from the fire and place them in a necklace or bottle as a reminder of your commitment to yourself.
Abortion as Sacrament - The Satanic Temple's Abortion Ritual
The Satanic Temple just released its latest addition to the Reproductive Rights Campaign - The Satanic Abortion Ritual. Ritualizing abortion is a bold move - especially now as we’re seeing the emergence of QAnon and a resurgence of conspiracy theories that rival the initial Satanic Panic. But I think it’s a powerful and important move.
Here we see ritual at work on a practical and personal level. The ritual is both a mechanism to legally protect bodily autonomy through using the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) to exempt first trimester abortions are from unnecessary regulations AND a spiritual comfort TST members can use to provide peace and strength while undergoing an abortion procedure.
Check out the ritual below
Get more info on the campaign here: https://announcement.thesatanictemple.com/rrr-campaign41280784
6.66% off all sales of Adrenochrome and Demon Semen will go toward supporting The Satanic Temple
See behind the scene photos + interviews about the Unveiling in via Shiva’s Patreon. Pick up ritual items to celebrate The Unveiling and hail yourself via the boutique
The Legacy of The Unveiling
The Unveiling is a very important part of our Satanic history.
Detroit was home to The Satanic Temple’s first chapter. We formed in the fall of 2014 and put together a number of headline grabbing events. In the spring of 2015, the Detroit chapter was tasked with putting together the Unveiling.
The event was a massive challenge. We had multiple venues cancel on us last minute; we were protested against by a number of local churches and we received death threats.
So many people didn’t want to see the Unveiling happen. By our group of Satanic superheroes - the Detroit Chapter of TST, National, and our members made it happen.
The event, to me, was a ritual in itself; it was It was our coming of age. It was our arrival - it was our way of saying we’re here, we exist, and we are here to celebrate this despite the fact you fear and hate us and despite threats of violence.
Ultimately, it was a massive success - at the time it was the largest public gathering of Satanists ever. People came from around the world to celebrate the Unveiling. And, at that event, arguably the most controversial piece of modern art, our Baphomet, was birthed into the world.
The Unveiling was a spark that ignited our global Satanic movement. After the Unveiling, new chapters began to form, the International Council was created, and our membership grew exponentially. For me, The Unveiling is a time to appreciate all we can accomplish, despite the challenges the world throws at us. It’s a time to appreciate our ability to thrive under pressure, find grace in conflict, and recognize our power.
See behind the scene photos + interviews about the Unveiling in via Shiva’s Patreon. Pick up ritual items to celebrate The Unveiling and hail yourself via the boutique
Litha - A Summer Ritual
Shiva shares a Satanic Hexennacht ritual from her book The Devil’s Tome.
Illustration by Lex Corey
Introduction:
On the eve of the Summer Solstice, I wanted to share Litha, my summer ritual from The Devil’s Tome. In the midst of pandemic and revolution, I’ve found much solace in nature the last few months. Nature is constant; she persists. She brings healing, sustenance, and reckoning. I’ve found focus, understanding, reflection, and peace in her presence.
This ritual asks that you immerse yourself in nature, embrace gratitude and honor yourself, acts that can be uncomfortable especially now. I ask that you engage with an open mind and heart and see what comes.
If you need any ritual tools, Visit my shop.
Speramus Meliora,
Shiva
Litha
A Summer Ritual
Background: This is a summer ritual that is focused on creating space for gratitude and self-love while also appreciating nature.
Tools:
Blanket
Carrier oil
1 ounce bottle
Orange, cinnamon, gardenia essential oils or your favorite oils
Tome + pen
A bag/pouch
Sacred Space: A secluded outdoor area.
Preparation: Prior to the ritual, identify a private outdoor area where you’ll be able to spend an hour or two to complete the ritual. Go out into nature on a sunny day, preferably during the solstice.
Ritual: Walk to your secluded outdoor area. On the way, observe nature. Take note of the animals you pass, the noises you hear, the scents that surround you.
As you walk, pick up flowers and put them in your hair, tuck them behind your ears, on your clothes, or fashion them into a bracelet or headband. Pick up stones, bones, leaves, or other natural elements you’re attracted to and put them in your bag.
When you arrive at your secluded spot, create a circle with the items you collected on your walk. Place all of the other items you brought inside the circle.
Lay out your blanket and lay down to rest.
Feel the sun’s heat on your skin as you relax into nature.
When you feel moved, take out your tome. Record all of the things this year that you are grateful for and all that you’ve accomplished. As you write each item down, allow yourself to be filled with pride, happiness, and a sense of accomplishment.
Create your ritual oil: Combine 9/10ths of an ounce of carrier oil with 10-15 drops of the essential oils of your choice in your 1 ounce bottle.
Now, read each entry of gratitude. After each item, say “and, I deserve it” and shake your oil bottle.
Then, read each entry of accomplishment. After each item, say “and, I hail myself” and shake your oil bottle.
Anoint yourself with the oil.
In the following months, anytime you need extra confidence or a mood boost, re-read your tome entries and/or anoint yourself with the oil. Store the oil in a cool, dry place out of direct sunlight.
Want to Support the content?
If you’re interested in supporting our writing and creative content, you can purchase an item in our shop or join Shiva’s Patreon
The Wrath of the Dark Goddess in the Midst of Trump’s America
I published the article below back on Medium in November 2017 and thought it could use a revisit.
The Trump presidency has laid bare hundreds of years of terror within the United States. Between the myriad of disappointments and failures his regime has brought, he has fulfilled one promise of his presidency - to drain the swamp. Any illusions that kept folks from seeing the brutal mechanisms of control, oppression, and death that has been a hallmark of US history have been made visible.
Almost two years after this article was written, we’ve moved passed this Awakening.
The Goddess is screaming. Can you hear her?
We’ve seen the monsters. On occasion, we are the monsters. Now we are driven to act.
As I write this, we are 6 days in to nationwide protests triggered by the death of George Floyd, but built on the foundation of hundreds of years of racism, tyranny, and cruelty. It’s time for radical change.
Her Wrath brings destruction, but radical transformation as well.
‘That which will not bend must break, and that which can be destroyed by truth should never be spared its demise.’
How will you heed her call?
-Shiva
The Awakening of the Dark Goddess in the Midst of Trump’s America
Originally published on Medium in November 2017
Many of us experienced a range of emotions in the wake of last year’s election — disbelief, frustration, confusion, fear. I spent November 9th crying in the bathroom in between meetings at work and Google searching the cheapest route to become a permanent resident in some country with universal healthcare and a solid human rights record.
I was shook. Some were shocked. Many weren’t — marginalized communities knew the underbelly of America that many white liberals have up to that point ignored. They weren’t surprised that those folks, as well as your low key racist bosses, nationalistic uncles, and everyday white people, voted Trump in.
The months following Trump’s election has been predictably turbulent. Scandal. Jingoistic rhetoric. Toxic policy and legislation.
A year after his election, his reign has also brought an awakening. A rebellion.
Donald Trump is known for talking about how he’s going to ‘drain the swamp,’ and in a sideways way, I think he is actually doing it. For many of us, he’s the archetype for the bully, the abuser, the liar we have all endured through life. Seeing him in power is shaking things up and forcing us to confront past and present traumas. His presidency is revealing all the dirty secrets and abuses we felt forced to hide and is exposing the monsters lurking beneath the surface within our lives and our society.
As a country, we’re slowly peeling away the layers of structural oppression and violence that we’ve ignored or buried and exposing all of the hidden trauma to light.
There has been a massively significant shift in our cultural awareness as a society in the last few weeks with the explosion of #metoo and stream of public allegations of sexual misconduct against high profile men. For the first time, many women are sharing their stories and perpetrators are actually facing consequences as a result. This is monumental.
I think it’s no coincidence that this is happening in the midst of Trump’s presidency. Seeing Trump, a sexual predator and alleged rapist, democratically elected to the highest office of the United States re-traumatized many of us. And now, a year later, it has ignited a fire within us; an internal rage that is moved to speak truths, challenge power, and claim our space. It has weaponized us. It has awakened the Dark Goddess.
The Dark Goddess is an archetype that has existed for millenia. She is Kali on a rampage of destruction, reaping all in her path to bring about fertile beginnings. She is Oya commanding the storms of change. She is Innana stripping herself of her identity as she descends in to the underworld. She drags us from comfort. She exposes. She demands justice. She is rage. She is destruction. We need her more than ever.
For femmes raised on fairy tales who have absorbed the message that we must be nice, pretty, complicit, and quiet, these stories are particularly inspiring. They give us a model for transformative anger. They show us versions of feminine power. They remind us that destruction is necessary for creation. And they provide a radical notion of self-acceptance.
To all those who have been abused, marginalized, and silenced: it’s time for us to fully embrace our power. We have a lot of work to do, both within and without ourselves. In coming years we will be called to examine ourselves and society in a way that will be painful, confusing, exhausting, and, ultimately, empowering. As we engage in this process, I suggest we draw on the stories of the Dark Goddess to guide us.
Hexennacht - A Ritual for Renewal + Healing
Shiva shares a Satanic Hexennacht ritual from her book The Devil’s Tome.
Introduction:
In the Northern Hemisphere, we sit upon the break of spring. Spring - traditionally associated with rebirth, rejuvenation, and possibility - arrives in 2020 during a particularly barren and dark time for many of us. Crisis makes it hard to imagine a future. Fear keeps us from seeing opportunity. It’s hard to pull ourselves out of the grief we’re experiencing to see anything more than what’s immediately in front of us.
Yet optimism - the ability to picture a better future even in the midst of trauma - is what pulls us through difficult times. This Hexennacht, I challenge you to reacquaint yourself with hope. Rekindle your romance with desire. Imagine a better world.
I bring you my Hexennacht ritual - an excerpt from my book The Devil’s Tome. This particular ritual is a take off of the Hexennacht group ritual I performed at The Satanic Temple Headquarters in 2019. Feel free to mold it to your needs and adapt as you like. Visit my shop for Hexnnacht candles, incense and custom ritual kits.
I’ll be posting more thoughts on Hexennacht and as well unreleased content from my 2019 Hexennacht ritual on my Patreon.
Speramus Meliora,
Shiva
Hexennacht
A Spring Ritual
Background: I like to create seasonal rituals that engage the natural world. Over the last few years, I’ve brought planting rituals into my practice. I think they are the perfect way to set intentions in the springtime.
This particular ritual is a take off of the Hexennacht group ritual I performed at The Satanic Temple Headquarters. Feel free to mold it to your needs.
Tools:
Soil
Seeds
Planting pot/land
Biodegradable/seeded paper
Music Player
Lighter/Matches
Pen
Tome
Water
Sacred Space: A spot outdoors where you can plant your seeds or, if using a planting pot, simply be immersed in nature.
Preparation: Create a comfy, reflective space to engage in the ritual. The space can be indoors or outdoors, but should be a spot where you are alone and free of distractions. Prepare these spaces for the ritual by laying out anything you may need ahead of time so that you can move from space to space without worry or hesitation - this could include a music player, pillows, wine, water, a trowel, candles, altars, etc. Create a space where you feel inspired, relaxed, and powerful.
Create a music playlist that is 30 minutes to an hour long. Include songs that make you feel hopeful, inspired, and in charge. Have the first track be the song that brings out those feelings the most.
Ritual: Sit in your reflective space and start your playlist. While listening to the first track, take 10 deep breaths - breathe in for 10 seconds and then out for 10 seconds. Become aware of your body. Feel your breath reflected in the music. Feel yourself relaxing. Deeper and deeper, relax.
Once you complete the series of breaths, light your candle. Focus on the flame. Let yourself melt into the sounds and enjoy the music.
Once the track has ended, recite over the flame three times:
“I awaken to Spring, my will and desire,
I awaken my power, through the fire.”
As you listen to the next track, close your eyes, get in a comfortable position, and begin to fantasize about what you would like to have happen over the next year. Let your imagination run wild. As you go through this process, really try to imagine the details of your desires. Focus on being in that moment through your visualization. Imagine sounds, smells, tastes, and touches.
Do this for the duration of at least one song. If you feel moved, continue visualizing for several tracks. After your visualization session, take strips of paper and write down your desires. They can be as general or specific as you like.
Record your desires in your tome. Under each of these goals, write down ways you can help bring your vision into reality.
Use your trowel to loosen the earth and plant your seeds under a thin layer of soil in either a pot or a sunny spot in the garden. Bury each strip of paper to accompany your seeds. As you put the seeds in the dirt, imagine each individual intention being planted in the earth. Imagine its roots extending and see its eventual blooming. Visualize your desires becoming reality. Once all are planted say,
“I stand here, filled with my desires, planting seeds of will. May my power grow. My desires blossom.”
Once you are finished planting, blow out your candle.
Check on your seeds on a regular basis and refer to your tome to check in on progress.
Additional Resources
If you’re having a rough time and need professional support, please also consider these resources:
Crisis Text Line - 24/7 text line where every texter is connected with a Crisis Counselor, a real-life human being trained to bring texters from a hot moment to a cool calm through active listening and collaborative problem solving
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255). The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.Vets can press "1" to be connected to VA specialists for resources
Trans Lifeline’s Hotline - Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers
The Trevor Project - A free, confidential service that provides live help to LGBTQ youth 24/7 via hotline, chat and text service
Want to Support the content?
If you’re interested in supporting our writing and creative content, you can purchase an item in our shop or donate below
Satanic Self-Care: A Ritual for Balance in the Midst of Chaos
Hello Readers!
I hope you all are doing OK during this frightening and overwhelming time. This week marks the Vernal Equinox - the beginning of spring. Over the years I’ve found this seasonal marker to be a good time for rituals of renewal and intention setting. This year, the seasonal change is accompanied by a global pandemic that has turned our worlds upside down. We are overcome with confusion, worry, uncertainty and fear.
Ritual can often provide a space to ground and empower ourselves. This equinox, I reached out to my friend Scorpio Boligrafo to share a ritual they’ve developed to help ground us during this difficult time. Scorpio is a Satanic ritual practitioner, an advocate for personal autonomy in healthcare and a scientist with a doctorate in biology who collaborated with me on my chapter on the scientific case for ritual in The Devil’s Tome. Check out their insight and spring equinox ritual below.
-Shiva
Spring Equinox 2020: A Suggestion for a Collective Ritual for Balance
The spring equinox symbolizes renewal. Under normal circumstances, we would come together to celebrate – to sow seeds and to germinate both our plants and our plans. This year, it is more challenging to feel refreshed as people worldwide suffer immensely. Times of crisis draw communities closer together; paradoxically it is also imperative that we resist the urge for physical closeness. I am yearning for the intimacy of a gathering – and the catharsis of group ritual. For many who do not identify as solitary practitioners, we may now find ourselves on our own. I truly believe in your power. I believe in your power as an individual. I also believe in our power together. I believe in our collective strength. I believe that we will join each other this equinox.
A Most Open Invitation
Whether you are experienced in your practice or you have never considered ritual until just now, I offer my thoughts and suggestions for this somber yet powerful equinox. I invite you to join my circle of womxn, witches, and wonders - from wherever you may be. From your home altar, your home office, and from the front lines – let us come together to join in ritual practice. Let us appreciate and be inspired by the balance shown to us by the day and the night.
The significant demands many people are facing will require tremendous feats of balance. May your ritual help to support a reestablishment of homeostasis for yourself, your family, your community, and your world.
Homeostasis and Satan
As a secular Satanist, I look to science and humanity as my guide posts. This spring equinox provides a rare moment of balance in our daily physical world. A window into the homeostatic mechanisms of our planet. Homeostasis is not a condition of stillness or stopping. Homeostasis is a beautifully balanced act - a symphony of rheostats and feedback loops. Homeostasis is biological balance from the organismal all the way down to the single cells of which it is composed. Cells are self-contained units, each with their own molecular devices that allow them to adapt and establish a new normal in changing conditions. As cells work together in tissues, layers of homeostatic processes work together to maintain coordination and functionality within that tissue. When injury or disruption occurs, the cells within us coordinate their response to try to restore balance to our organism. This is constantly occurring within us and in our ecosystems - from the smallest cell to the largest galaxy. As above, so below.
A Ritual Space in Uncertain Times
You may not have access to your normal ritual space or ritual goods. I encourage you to join me in creating a makeshift altar in whatever space you might have. If you are alone, you could take this opportunity to make the largest altar you ever have. If you are sharing space with non-practicing family members you may want to either invite these individuals to join you, or choose a safe space with as much privacy as your situation allows. For those of you providing critical services, if you find only a moment for your practice, let your ritual space simply be the space you occupy at that moment.
Creating Your Altar
For this ritual, create an altar out of what you have. If you are at home, you may want to incorporate some of your favorite things. If you are at someone else’s home, try to incorporate as many things as you can that comfort you and make you feel safe in this space. If you are at work, use whatever makes sense such as your desk or a quiet hallway. If you are in a busy or hectic environment, try to build a simple altar in your mind through meditation. Challenge yourself to create a beautiful altar using items from your surroundings (indoors and outdoors) and to minimize waste. Use crystals, textile, wood, ceramic, and other items to create an altar that, to you, symbolizes balance.
Scorpio’s altar - The Water Signs Sisters’ Equinox altar:
Dining room table, well loved textile, obsidian, North American quartz, amethyst, citrine, slag glass, wavelite, coal, fulgurite, wood from our father’s tree, seashells, peacock feather, handmade ceramics, a reflective pyramid containing our wishes, salt, copper, bronze, water with Petoskey stones, and an antique scale and chest.
A Ritual for Balance
At this crucial moment, we are asked to remain physically still and to heed the urgency of the situation. We take slow breaths to still our mind while using all of our physical energy to support our communities. We remain on high alert while also trying to foster calm and alleviate panic. We have the opportunity to align ourselves with the daily cycle of time and be transformed by this moment of balance in this otherwise chaotic time.
Close your eyes and reflect on yourself and yourself alone. Take a moment to go deep within yourself, beyond even your breath – and know that you are still, that you are okay. Open your eyes and move forward into your ritual space. Imagine those you hold dear stepping into their ritual spaces. Imagine people all over the world engaged in ritual practice at this enchanting time of year.
Reflect on this moment in your life and in the world. If you are with others, you may wish to share words. Meditate at your altar for as long as is appropriate for your situation. Return to your altar anytime you need during the day and the night.
To make this time both heavy and light; we look to our power in the day and the night.
With love,
Scorpio Boligrafo, PhD
Scorpio Boligrafo, PhD is a Michigan native, a ritual practitioner, satanist, and an advocate for personal autonomy in healthcare. Scorpio is a scientist with a doctorate in biology. Through their secular ritual practice Scorpio draws no distinction between the scientific and the spiritual. The sun, moon, seasonal transitions, and cycles of birth and death are universal aspects of the human experience. Scorpio’s rituals foster personal practice while remaining intentionally inclusive for friends and family with a wide range of beliefs. Dr. Boligrafo believes in the power of the individual and the power of the pen.
Want more love rituals? Check out Shiva’s book The Devil’s Tome and pick up ritual tools to accompany your practice in our shop
Satanic Self-Care: Coronavirus Edition
Coronavirus (SARS-COV-2, COVID-19) is spreading quickly across the globe and impacting our daily lives. How do we manage this ever-changing environment? How do our Satanic values emerge under these conditions? How can we take care of ourselves and community? Before I became a full-time artist, I worked in public health and epidemiology. I’ve been listening to the experts and put together some initial thoughts on how we confront this phenomenon and ways to put our Satanic values in action.
Trust the science
For Satanists, science is the final word. It holds our greatest understanding of what’s happening around us and teaches us how to best navigate this pandemic and care for ourselves. It can also help us manage anxiety and avoid unnecessary panic and help us prepare appropriately. With that in mind, don’t copy and re-post unreferenced coronavirus tips from social media. There is a ton of potentially dangerous misinformation about the coronavirus spreading across social media, so make sure you verify your sources of information before you absorb or repost. Here are some tips from Harvard on how to spot fake news.
It’s important to remember that the science behind understanding the virus is very new and there is a tremendous amount we don’t understand. Many of the studies emerging are promising but haven’t had time to undergo the usual validation process, so take everything with a grain of salt. Here are some tried and true resources recommended by trusted epidemiologists:
For those who want to go straight to the source and be up to date on the latest research, the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) has a Coronavirus dashboard for updates and direct links to new papers on SARS-COV-2.
The World Health Organization and Center for Disease Control provide up to date, easily digestible info on the virus
Johns Hopkins created a resource site for COVID-19. It includes a dashboard from Johns Hopkins Center for Systems Science that examines the global spread of the disease, tips on prevention, as well as insight from global health experts on the virus
Have some extra time and brain space to deepen your learning on epidemiology? Coursera is offering a free massive online open course named 'Epidemics' was developed at Penn State Center for Infectious Disease Dynamics. It‘s an excellent resource for learning about a range of topics in epidemiology, public health, disease ecology and dynamics. Check it out: https://www.coursera.org/learn/epidemics
Minimize risk to yourself and community
It’s time to bring your compassion to the forefront! First of all, if you think you’re sick and your symptoms match those of the virus, get tested and seek care. Many health systems are offering phone lines and tele-visits to advise patients on their risk and avoid overloading the system, so utilize those resources if you can.
Everything we know about this virus suggests that infection spreads exponentially until we are able to contain it. This virus has a higher mortality rate than the average flu and is extremely communicable. How do we contain the virus? Through social distancing - meaning we need to try to keep people (even those who aren’t sick or are asymptomatic) home as much as possible, for as long as possible until this recedes. How can you put this into practice? Check out this article for an overview. In brief - obey regional directives to quarantine if you have them. If you don’t yet have them, stay at home as much as possible anyway. If you’re a business owner, entertainer, or community leader, move work and meetings online. Cancel or postpone shows and other gatherings until the virus is under control. It appears that many carriers are asymptomatic and some of the hardest hit are the elderly and those with preexisting health conditions - meaning someone with little or no symptoms could carry the virus to people who are high risk. These modifications can be difficult and inconveniencing, but think of them as religious sacrifices - ones that help to protect your community and yourself.
Help those in need
Now is the time to take care of ourselves and our community. Reach out to your community if you have the resources and spoons to help those that need it. That could mean going on food runs for elderly neighbors, providing guidance and encouragement to a sick or worried friend, giving money to someone who lost work, or watching your neighbor’s kids when their schools are closed. If you have a local chapter, consider creating a mechanism for members to help each other. If you need help, ask! Know your needs and don’t be afraid to ask for assistance. Check out local and regional resources for assistance as well. As Trent Reznor famously crooned, ‘We’re in this together now!’ There are a myriad of ways to help locally and provide support to each other in our Satanic community. Keep your eyes and heart open and stay safe.
How are you putting your Satanic values in action during the pandemic?
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Satanic Self-Care: Ritual as a tool for inner revolution in the New Year
Resurget Cineribus Ritual at Devil’s Renaissance, Detroit 12/29/2019. Photo by Friends of TST Detroit
The New Year is a great symbolic marker for fresh starts and change and a fantastic time to reflect and focus your energy on ridding yourself of negative habits and people, while creating a vision for what you want. Over the last 7 years I’ve consciously used ritual to facilitate my own personal healing, empowerment, and manifestation work. I’ve found the practice to be incredibly helpful in my life — in fact, one of the reasons I started Serpentīnae was to be able to share some of my personal tools and practices with the general public. The New Year is a symbolic and powerful time to practice ritual. And ritual — science is confirming — can help us process, heal, and accomplish goals.
What is a Ritual?
Although widely used and valued by the theistic religious community, ritual is often relegated to the world of ‘woo’ in non-religious and secular communities. Interestingly, there’s a growing body of academic work that explores the power of ritual in psychological and emotional well-being that points to its efficacy regardless of religion or lack thereof. The literature points to a number of benefits of ritual including strengthening social connections, reducing grief, reducing performance-related anxiety, and re-establishing a sense of control to those who perform.
I think much of the misconception about ritual stems from its definition. For the purposes of this article I look to Norton and Gino, some of the foremost modern scholars on ritual, who define the practice as ‘a symbolic activity that is performed before, during, or after a meaningful event in order to achieve some desired outcome’. Contrary to popular belief, there doesn’t have to be an associate with a deity or religion — ritual is just a mindful, symbolic activity performed to create a particular result. Examples include religious rites like prayer and baptisms, but can also include secular rituals like commitment ceremonies, manifestation work like vision boarding, performance rituals like athletes wearing a particular charm or piece of clothing before a game, meditation and affirmation practice.
Ritual can help us process grief
Throughout the ages, humans have used ritual to cope with grief. Funeral practices, for instance, are a ubiquitous phenomenon that range from a jazz procession in New Orleans to sky burials in Yazd. Whether it’s mourning the loss of a lover, a job, or a home, people develop personal an unending assortment of rituals to cope with grief and process the complex feelings that accompany it.
In 2013, Norton and Gino conducted three experiments to explore the impact of mourning rituals — after losses of loved ones, lovers, and lotteries — on mitigating grief. The authors found that participants who were directed to think about past rituals or were told to complete rituals after experiencing losses reported lower levels of grief than those who did not.
Rituals can lower anxiety and help improve performance
Anxiety is a terrible beast that can stunt personal growth, create misery, and cripple performance. In 2015, Brooks et al investigated ritual’s effects on anxiety and performance by asking study participants in the experimental group to complete a ritual before singing publicly. They then measured self-reported emotional experience and singing quality (which was assessed by voice recognition software). Through the study, they found that having participants complete a ritual before an anxiety- inducing performance task reduced self-reported anxiety and improved subsequent singing performance. In 2017, Hobson et al expanded on this work, finding that ritual dulls neural response to performance failure and can then guide goal-directed performance.
Ritual can help us establish control
The underlying mechanism of ritual appears to be the establishment or restoration of feelings of control in those who practice. Norton and Gino discuss,
“Despite the variance in the form that rituals take, we propose that a common psychological mechanism underlies their effectiveness: a restoration of feelings of control that losses impair. Indeed, people who suffer losses often report feeling “out of control” (Low, 1994) and actively try to regain control when they feel it slipping away (Brehm, 1966); feeling in control in turn is associated with increased well-being, physical health, and coping ability (Glass & Singer, 1972; Klein, Fencil-Morse, & Seligman, 1976; Rodin & Langer, 1977). Some qualitative data offer initial evidence for the link between rituals and control; for example, the extent to which athletes and fisherman engage in rituals is related to the unpredictability of their jobs (Gmelch, 1971; Malinowski & Redfield, 1948; see Whitson & Galinsky, 2008). We suggest that the use of rituals serves as a compensatory mechanism designed to restore feelings of control after losses, and that this increased feeling of control contributes to reduced grief.”
It’s this restored sense of control that ritual provides that makes the practice so powerful. In my own practice, I’ve found that this sense of control I gain through ritual coupled with the targeted time for reflection and action ritual provides to be incredibly empowering. What could be more liberating than a reminder that you are in control of your destiny?
Ritual as a Tool for Inner Revolution
As this year draws to a close, it’s the perfect opportunity to make time for ritual. Whether it’s a destruction or banishing ritual, a healing ritual, a rebirth ritual, a resolution or commitment ceremony, or a visioning or manifestation session, the time is ripe to set yourself in motion for the next year.
Satanic Self-Care: Winter Solstice Ritual
There are many ways to celebrate the Winter Solstice, but as we Satanists enter the end of the decade, I’m using it as an opportunity to symbolically clear away the accumulated gunk that has built up over the years and create an opportunity for new beginnings.
As I discussed in Satanic Self-Care: Holiday Edition, the holidays can be an especially difficult time for Satanists. On our Satanic journey, many of us come to uncomfortable realizations about family, tradition, and personal relationships - realizations that tend to be magnified during holiday interactions. We often realize that we need to affirm our identities and make big changes — at times cutting off toxic relationships and ridding ourselves of limiting ideas.
I’ve used burning rituals to great effect over the years both in my personal life and for rituals I’ve created for TST Headquarters. I’ve created this ritual as a way to help provide an opportunity to identify those things we want to part with and create a space to heal. I hope this ritual helps you this winter! If you’re interested in learning more, get on the mailing list to find out about the next release of my book, The Devil’s Tome
īnflammō
A Winter Solstice Ritual
Tools: A fire bowl, strips of paper, pen, matches or a lighter, dead flowers, candle, music player
Sacred Space: A private dark room in your home
Preparation: Perform this ritual on the Winter Solstice (December 21) or before the years end. Prepare a playlist that puts you in the mood for the cleansing work ahead. Allow yourself at least an hour of time. If you’re working through deep and painful issues, identify a friend that you can check in with before and after the ritual to provide support and aftercare
Ritual: Begin your playlist
Create a circle of dead flowers and repeat ‘I cast a circle of protection where I sit in my power’ as you lay the circle
Put the fire bowl, candle, paper, pen, and lighter in the center of the circle
Step into the circle and sit
Take 3 deep breaths and allow yourself to sink in to your body. Relax. Become aware of the space you occupy
Light your candle as you say, ‘Through the darkness of winter, I commit to my illumination. I shed light on that which does not serve me and burn the bridges leading to nowhere’
Begin to think of people, ideas, beliefs, relationships, and thoughts you want to part with. As they arise, write each down on a separate strips of paper. As you write each down, allow yourself to feel any emotions that come up. Give yourself space and time to process those emotions. Understand you’re in a safe space. Cry, scream, grieve as necessary
After you write each strip, light it on fire saying, ‘I free myself through the flame.’ Imagine yourself separating from that person, need, or thought as the fire consumes it. Watch it burn to completion in the fire bowl
After you finish lighting all your strips of paper on fire, say ‘It is done. Non Serviam’
Collect the ash, dead flowers, and other remnants and dispose of them as you like
Additional Resources
If you’re having a rough time this holiday season and need professional support, please also consider these resources (special thanks to Kathleen Koski for encouraging me to write this ritual + the resources below):
Crisis Text Line - 24/7 text line where every texter is connected with a Crisis Counselor, a real-life human being trained to bring texters from a hot moment to a cool calm through active listening and collaborative problem solving
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255). The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.Vets can press "1" to be connected to VA specialists for resources
Trans Lifeline’s Hotline - Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers
The Trevor Project - A free, confidential service that provides live help to LGBTQ youth 24/7 via hotline, chat and text service
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If you’re interested in supporting our writing and creative content, you can purchase an item in our shop or donate below
Satanic Self-Care: Holiday Edition
Snaketivity - 2014 - The Satanic Temple Detroit
Greetings! It’s Shiva here for your very first edition of Satanic Self-Care. What better way to start the series than by discussing ways to survive and thrive during the holiday season?
For many of us the holidays can be a painful time. Old wounds are re-opened as we’re often pressured to spend time with people who don’t respect us and confront uncomfortable truths about family, religion, and tradition. I became a Satanist in 2014 after having survived decades of abusive religious programming. That fall I joined The Satanic Temple Detroit and finally felt like I’d found a group of like-minded folks. Needless to say, my family was not encouraged by the infamy our group courted via the construction of the Snaketivity monument - a piece highlighting religious plurality which we displayed in Michigan’s state capitol that December. It was an exciting, painful, and eye-opening few months.
Since those early days I’ve had a lot of ups and downs, cut out family and friends from my life, and have ultimately grown to cultivate my own sacred relationships based on mutual love, acceptance, and respect. Holidays don’t hold the same destructive power they once did because of radical acts of self-care and preservation. Here are some pieces of wisdom to help you navigate the next few months
5 Satanic Power Moves to Help You Through The Holidays
1. Know Thyself - This sounds incredibly simple, but after years of cultural and religious programming can be extremely difficult to figure out. What are your values? What sparks joy? Do you want to attend holiday functions? Are you willing to get in to an argument with your Trump-supporting uncle? Eat dry turkey? Are you in the state of mind to handle family prying?
As a recovering people-pleaser, this was something that was really challenging for me (was? I should say is). Once I started to understand my own desire, to accept my power and make decisions based on my needs, I saw a radical transformation in my life for the better
"No is a necessary magic. No draws a circle around you with chalk and says 'I have given enough.'" ~McKayla Robbin
2. “No” Is A Necessary Magic - Don’t feel obligated to attend functions or participate in traditions that make you feel anxious, devalued, or uncomfortable. Say ‘No’ a lot. In fact, say it twice as much as you feel comfortable. Say ‘no’ to attending a party. Say ‘no’ to going to a church service. Say ‘no’ to talking about Satanism or your personal life if it makes you feel uncomfortable. It shows strength. It’s a great habit to start and one you’ll improve at the more you do it.
Feelings of guilt can definitely accompany this, but know that establishing boundaries doesn’t make you bad, weak, lazy, or disrespectful. It shows strength. It also has the added magical property of letting you know who is an asshole…
3. Let Them Go - Sure, setting boundaries may make some people upset, but folks that become upset at you for communicating your needs and honoring your own well-being, that is their problem and you are probably better off taking a break.
Becoming a Satanist is an excellent way to separate your thoughtful, understanding, and compassionate acquaintances from those that are abusive and intolerant. When I first became a Satanist it took a while for a number of folks I held dear to understand and accept my decision, but over time it sparked larger transformations in our relationships that evolved them for the better. On the other hand, there have been family members I thought I’d never cut off that went bananas when I became a Satanist. I created space with them initially on those grounds only to find there were mountains of historical abuse that I’d experienced that I’d ignored over the decades. It was an incredibly painful yet liberating realization. Cutting ties with them was one of the most freeing things I’ve done in my life.
4. You Don’t Have To Fight - If folks give you a hard time for asserting boundaries and renegotiating relationships, it’s OK to back away. Similarly, you don’t have to feel a need to defend positions, argue, or explain yourself to every bigoted acquaintance at the dinner table. Contrary to popular belief, very few minds are changed via shouting matches over pie and coffee. Engage friends and family if you have the energy, but don’t feel obligated.
If you are entering a contentious situation, buddy up at the event with a like-minded friend or family member to back you up. You can also prepare by having a friend you can text if things get difficult who can then call you with an "emergency" to help you exit the situation
5. You’re Not Alone - If you’re feeling overwhelmed during the holiday season, try to make time to hang out with other like-minded friends, give yourself ample time to recharge, and spend time doing activities that make you happy. If you know you’re entering volatile territory, see if you can check in and vent to to someone close. Partake in activities that make you feel valuable and support your self-esteem. If you’re feeling frustrated, sad, or angry, create a cleansing ritual ritual around the holidays to help work through those feelings and affirm yourself. Create new traditions with your Satanic family or others who love and respect you. Let the holidays be sacred periods of growth and self-discovery that empower you on your journey.
If you’re having a rough time this holiday season and need professional support, please also consider these resources (special thanks to Kathleen Koski for the resources below, for providing a second set of eyes on the article, and sharing additions based on her experience as a crisis worker):
Crisis Text Line - 24/7 text line where every texter is connected with a Crisis Counselor, a real-life human being trained to bring texters from a hot moment to a cool calm through active listening and collaborative problem solving
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255). The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.Vets can press "1" to be connected to VA specialists for resources
Trans Lifeline’s Hotline - Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers
The Trevor Project - A free, confidential service that provides live help to LGBTQ youth 24/7 via hotline, chat and text service
How do you handle the holidays as a Satanist? Any tips you’ve learned? Share below in the comments
If you’re interested in supporting our writing and creative content, you can purchase an item in our shop or donate below