Satanic Self-Care Spring Recipe

- the satanic chef

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Roasted beet, herbed ricotta, arugula salad with almond dressing

Since I was young, I always loved roasting and pealing beets. Before I started cooking, pealing red beets was always fun. The same thing went with eating cherries. I always thought it was so cool that they looked bloody and after you cook them, they start to bleed, making your hands turn bright red.

Beet juice is 80% water. It is also a superfood. The red color comes from betalian, which is a pigment found in certain types of plants. It’s found in a variety of different types of nature which can be extracted to make dye’s. In ancient times and modern times, this natural dye has been used for tanning leather or vegan synthetic substitutes, food coloring, ink and fake blood.

If you ever had dreams of becoming an immortal vampire, most likely you could reinvent this idea by eating beets. They contain moderate amounts of protein and fiber. Its high in foliate which helps blood lower the levels of homocysteine which increases artery inflammation. They help you have better endurance, that can lower your blood pressure which will allow you to endure intense workouts. It is high in fiber so you can have a healthy digestive track. In turn, they are a magical plant which can help you extend your life.

Ricotta is derived from dairy which has developed a curd like texture. Any instance when acid is introduced to dairy, it starts to stick together and become a thinker substance. That is the science of ricotta. Now there are different ways to make this, but to keep this recipe less complicated, we are using store purchased ricotta. Feel free to use any vegan substitute in this.

The almond dressing is a thick and delicious substitute for dairy. Its low in fat, contains proteins and has a umami like flavor. That means sweet, salty, sour and bitter. Much like people have a supposed third eye, umami the the food version of that. its an element which is derived from the sense of taste. The arugula is a peppery like leafy green. In general its one of my favorite leafy greens betides iceberg lettuce. It is rich in nutrients and in cooking, you can add arugula to things as a pepper substitute believe it or not.

Garlic Confit is an extremely healthy antioxidant. Garlic is in many ways, been used to fight infection in ancient medicine. Its extremely good for your digestive tract. Not so much your breath.

Garlic Confit is made by taking raw garlic, bringing it to a simmer in olive oil and letting it cool down in the mixture. I would recommend using a cup of garlic cloves to 2 cups of olive oil. If you do not wish to do this, purchase garlic oil at the store and use raw garlic. Garlic confit will be milder and won’t make you scare away any vampires no matter how much gum you use to cover up the smell.

This recipe is about self care, eating healthy and taking the precautions to have a positive lifestyle.

Let’s look at the ingredients we have on the table.

  • Sliced Almonds : 1,2 Cups

  • Garlic Confit : 3 Cloves

  • Dijon Mustard : 1 Tablespoon

  • Garlic Olive Oil : 1 Cup

  • Sherry Vinegar : 2 Tablespoons

  • Large Beets : 2

  • Ricotta : 1/2 a cup

  • 1 high speed blender

  • 3 leaves of each, Mint, Parsley, Basil

  • 2 cups of Baby Arugula

  • 1 mixing bowl

  • A sauté pan

  • 1 plate

  • 1 lemon

  • 1 zester

  • Fine Sea Salt

Take your ricotta and put it into a bowl. Next, slice your herbs super thin and add them to your ricotta mix. Take a tablespoon of garlic oil and drizzle it to your ricotta mix. Then taking a lemon squirt a couple drops in to the bowl. Use your zester and get just a tiny piece of it into the bowl and then fold it in. Place this aside.

Take your almonds, season them with a dash of fine sea salt, a dash of oil (garlic or plain) and give them a saute. They should be brown, and please don’t burn them. You do not need burnt food. Cool them down and let them sit at room temp.

In a high speed blender add your sherry vinegar, dijon, 1 clove of garlic confit and start it on high. Next you want to add some sea salt and drizzle your oil mix into the blender. Once your mix is incorporated, add 1/2 cup of toasted almonds at the end. This should thicken your sauce. You can add less if you want a less thick mixture. I would cut it into quarters and add as you go.

Place your now formulated vinaigrette on the side.

You should have 2 large whole beets. The easiest way to do this is to either roast them or broil them. If you have an oven and want to be patient and wait for that nutty delicious flavor, cut the stems off, toss them in oil, salt and pepper and rose them at 380 degrees F for about 1 hour. The beets should be covered with tin foil in an oven baking dish. The trick is to add some liquid at the bottom of the pan to create a steaming like function inside your oven.

The next thing you can do which is an alternative. Take your beets and cut the tops of both of them. You should be able to see the red meat. Take a sauce pot and place them inside of it. Add your salt, roasting herbs or spices which you desire. (I recommend thyme, some nutmeg, allspice, cinnamon blend commonly used in French technique.)

Bring it to a broil and then a simmer. Check it after 30 minutes and then every 15 minutes after. Depending on the size, they will cook faster or longer. Make sure that both of your beets are equal in size because if you have one that’s smaller or larger, keep in mind one of them will cook faster than the other.

Now once you are ready, cool your beets down so they are warm enough to peal. Do not let them get cool. You want your beets to be somewhat hot believe it or not. Thats the trick. Not too warm but not too hot to handle. The way to do this without burning your hands if they are sensitive is to get a kitchen towel that you don’t need (like a rag or an old shirt), Double up on plastic gloves (to prevent your hands form the dye or if you are sensitive to heat). Peal each of them, the skin should fall right off, Make sure you do not place your beets back in the same roasting dish or pot that you used. The reason is dirt and sand. Beets contain a lot of the planet earth. They purge (express) the gravel form them when introduced to high heat. If you do not want to do this method, cool them down and scrape it off using a spoon or a paring knife. Its’ easier to use my method. Plus when they are at the stage of being warm/hot they bleed and its cool.

Cool down your beets. You want the juices to settle inside of them. Think of them like you would cooking a steak. When you cook a steak, the blood goes berserk inside of it, going back and forth. You want to rest your steak so the blood evens out. That process takes about 5-10 min. Cool them in the fridge and cut them into quarters.

Mix your beets into a bowl with some of your sherry almond dressing. Make sure you season them so you don’t have any acidic after taste. Use fine sea salt. I personally like to have my beets sit in the mix for about 5 minutes. It marinates them. You can keep them in there longer if you like.

Add your arugula at the end. Remember when incorporating arugula you are adding pepper. You should have some almonds left. Take a couple sprinkles and add it to your bowl.

Now since you just added a leafy green to a bowl with an acidic mixture, it will start cooking them.

Make sure on your plate you put your ricotta mix.

Then on top your salad.

Sprinkle some more almonds onto the salad for texture and added taste.

I hope you enjoy this recipe!

Hail Satan.

 

Adam Ostrofsky, March 2021.

 

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